In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
