we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
