"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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