wakey wakey hands off snakey
too bad you live with your parents still
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
