Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
it wasn't lemon gatorade
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
