at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
