And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
