i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
