Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
