anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
