do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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