NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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