I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
A bitchslap is in order.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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