Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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