I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
