you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
