Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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