she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
