the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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