hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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