you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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