Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
