escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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