Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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