instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
