i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
vagina is talking i cant
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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