your room smells of hookers.
And success
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
