walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
false alarm. still invincible.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We're too hungover to prance.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
