Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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