She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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