Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
