went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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