I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
