There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
