they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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