What a fucking waste of an outfit
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
