if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
