are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
