bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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