the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
