I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
