im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do vagina's smell?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
