Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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