Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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