woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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