How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
