he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
