so let's talk penis.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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