so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
