I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
