apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
