i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
