enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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